Tis the season...

I love how traffic lights are always in the Christmas spirit...
all year 'round.
Happy Holidays!

Dreams part two...

Last night I dreamed it snowed in Los Angeles. Warm, light marshmallowy snow. Unlike any I'd ever seen because it was so warm. No one was driving. Everyone was out in it, smiling and having a ball, snow ball!
Hmmmm....

Dreams...

I was lying in a gazebo in a bright white cotton robe with a pot of steaming coffee and 2% on a tray at my side in addition to a crispy warm croissant and apricot jam, my favorite. The sun was just waking up and so was I. There was a babbling fountain to the left of me, pouring into a pool the size of my LA apartment and I was alone. There were strangely colored birds of black and yellow and red twirping and socializing away. There was the ocean 100 yards from me, gently nudging the shore, but other than that, it was quiet.

I was 22 and working in a hotel in Beverly Hills. The man I worked with loved hotels. He liked to take me to hotels to have drinks and meet the people that worked there. He was, is, beautiful and I was in love with him.
He was also gay. But it didn't keep me away from dreaming with him as we took ourselves away from our lives in LA to these little oasis' within our city to experience the decadent escape of our realities.
We followed the path of the W, Ian Schrager and hotel boutiques around the globe from the Ritz to the Four Seasons, even if it was just within a few miles of our LA apartments. It was grand.

I loved the idea of escape, nurturing, nestling oneself in the small community of a hotel life. I actually believed I might really like the lifestyle of working in hotel sales.
It was my day job, but it was my friend's dream. He still lives his life traveling abroad and visiting these little blisscapes and getting paid to do it!

I remember looking online at the Ritz Carlton in Bali. I remember saving their main home page as my screen saver on my computer and thinking, if things don't work out here, in LA, I'm going to move there, to Bali, to the Ritz and work there. Doing what, I have no idea, but it was a little dream.

Ten years later, I'm sitting right here, in the exact picture of what my dream is.
The exact screen saver on my computer.

My boyfriend, at the time, came out of our villa. Yup, villa, and sauntered over to me quietly. We sat there for a while before he asked me this, "What are your dreams?"

I said, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can answer that question right now as I am living one of them now."

I've had many dreams in my life. Some of them come to life for an instant, an hour, a day and they are gone.
I've always appreciated them when they've come but never looked at them quite like this one.
Because, I was sitting there in it, with nothing to do, act on or think about. All I had to do was be in it.
Just be.

How often can we just BE in a dream, really?

Even if we are living in the beauty of a dream we have acted on and are acting in, it is almost impossible to remove ourselves from that moment, stand back and say, see?! See what I am doing?! Isn't this great? All this hard work has lead me to HERE. 'Cause so often we are carried on the wave of the next thought, the next part of the journey of our dream. Perhaps the accolades and perhaps the solitude when we arrive home after the dream task has been met.

When I was in Bali, I felt like I was being my dream.
I felt so complete (even before my boyfriend, now my ex, came out to engage me).
I'm not a big vacation person. It's still difficult for me to unwind and get into 'relaxing'. That's why yoga retreats and the like are more my fancy because it almost forces me to 'chill'.

But when I found myself, right there, in the middle of what was right, even when I know that the Ritz prides themselves on making it a dream come true for anyone who visits, and they freekin' do (the Ritz in Jimbaryan Bay, Bali is ridiculous), I felt the same feeling you feel when you truly connect with yourself and your needs...in quiet.

We find this in yoga, in running, in spending time with our kids or husband, walking the beach at sunset or meeting someone for the first time.

We find this all the time, but sometimes we don't have the time to really take in the glory of the moment. The glory that each moment brings to a current or past dream realized.

I've always been a dreamer, to a fault. It's my heart that keeps me going toward the things that keep me most fulfilled and driven to share what I can with others.

The reward is in the feeling.

I like when my dreams can reward me financially as well, I'm not gonna lie.

But I can dream in both accounts, the feeling and financial.

As one gets older, dreams change.

Sometimes you achieve a dream and it's not what you thought. There are many responsibilities etc., perhaps.

I feel like such an adult and there is no avoiding it, 'cause I am.

I'm not a kid. I don't wish that I was, but sometimes, I don't wish that I was an adult and in this world and there is no name for the in-betweens.

So I have to make some decisions. They are based on what I dream of. Now that I have gotten a little of the dream, right here in Santa Monica, I'm starting to waiver on that decision. Cold feet? Hmmm, not so sure. It's the responsibility that follows the dream/decision that I've made that I'm not sure I want to live with/sacrifice for all the other things I hold so dear.

I've got some time to think, some time to decide, some time to be adult and some time for me to remember what it's like to be living a dream.

When I take myself further away from the dream, decisions get harder to make.

So, I'm trying to remember. By being here.

I want to stay here in Santa Monica where the sunsets, daily, make me weep for the possibility of greatness for everyone including myself. I also don't want to cripple myself so that I can't visit all the other gazebos I long for or afford the things that can progress myself professionally.

So, as an adult, I have to compromise, and look at my dream, the current one, to live and work here in Santa Monica, that I've achieved!!
and reallllllly look at it for what it is. Do I want to make it last for a moment or a while?

Indecision is not becoming.
Time is ticking.
Things are changing.
Turkeys are cooking.
Lights need to be lifted and turned on.
Presents need wrapping.
Tis' the season....

Let me dream on it.

With gratitude to all, Happy Holidays!!
In flux, breathing deeply, drinking lots of water and calling my mother,
Laurie

I'm not asking...

I love when I meet someone for the first time, offer very little about myself and then they tell me exactly how I should live my life.

As a teacher, I'm open to all people, students and teachers, expressing to me their experiences in life and in yoga.

I do, however, often shut down after several minutes have passed and a new person very adamantly proposes the exact way I should teach a class, wake up in the morning or order coffee or breathe or exist.

It is a huge turn off.

I have a gift of being able to put myself in others shoes or lack thereof (in a yoga room) and see where they are coming from when starting a conversation with me.

I know, what do you mean, a gift?

Seriously. It's something that I am proud I do well.

That, and knitting very long scarves as I have yet to learn how to knit anything else. Just one long strip of cotton. If you need one, let me know. Heading back east, I have one for ya.

I can understand where I am coming from and understand, whether I believe you or not, where you are coming from.

Trust me. I have many Republican friends that are like family to me and we still get along.

I don't know what another's trials in life are so I am more than happy to hear them express their needs or lifestyle to me when I offer a smile or hello.

But, come on, even if I wasn't a teacher, I'm a human being and sometimes I don't want to be engaged.
Or, I will engage for a small bit of time and find my exit out asap.

But what is that comfortable exit?

I know you know what I'm talking about otherwise you wouldn't have found yourself here.
I live in the uncomfortable and have no problem chatting about it.

So here we are, talking with someone we don't know. They are repelling us, but we are open, good people so we must listen, right.
Absolutely...
not...
I'm only going to talk about the yoga room for this one folks but you can insert your experience here for your own circumstances if it serves you, 'cause it might.

I was taking my weekly class, somewhere that will remain nameless.
An individual who is also there weekly, noticed that fact and proposed that we were yoga buddies.
I said that I was glad we appreciated the class we communed at weekly.
I put down my mat and settled my belongings.
He asked me where I was from, what area of town I lived in and what I did. I told him all three freely.
I didn't give any more or ask anything of him. Smile.
He continued to tell me everything that was wrong with the class we were about to take even though he had been coming to the class for three years, and that he hoped what he offered would inform my teaching.

Hmmm. I was really surprised and taken off guard by such a critique of a class but told him that it was necessary that he involve himself only in the experience that he was having and be careful about what he was saying about the teaching and how others should teach as it is an experience he is unfamiliar with.

Well, that didn't let anything go.

He told me what he would do as a teacher. How he could teach better. Yada freekin' yada.

I excused myself to the bathroom.

Listen, I love the class that I've been going to weekly but even I know, that it's served it's purpose for what I needed for a time and that I have to move on.

If you have an issue with a class, it doesn't fit where you are in your life, it's time to move on.

I love having students in my class weekly.

Honestly, I don't know why they come.
I mean, I know why I would come to my class.
But I don't know why YOU come to my class.
I know that the class I teach is always dedicated to a cause.
I know that the class I teach is always different sequentially so you will never know what to expect.
I know the class I teach will have you working hard but feeling soft.
I know the class I teach always has a theme and that I bring what I can philosophically and physically to the practice.

I know that as teachers and as yogis, at this point, we are all very much the same.

Gone are the days that the teacher and student had much of a gap.

Students far surpass their teachers in practice as it has become so accessible to take trainings, retreats and workshops.

However, to teach, is a supreme skill. I say this because I am always amazed at how much I learn from teachers that may or may not have an advanced physical or spiritual practice than I.

There is no longer an I and you. A teacher can only guide you on an experience in an hour and a half and maybe make that a weekly or bi-weekly practice.

It's where you are in your life that makes the practice equivalent, equal to your life and your schedule. The teacher enhances that experience. Makes it accessible for you if you can't do it on your own or just need that extra push.

In a public setting, it is very difficult to attend to the needs of all of the students in the room.

I'm lucky, in a sense, that the studio I teach at is relatively small, so I can watch every one of my students and teach to them accordingly. It's also important to know WHO and WHEN you can touch a student.

As a teacher, I always ask, unless it's in Savasana and still, I propose, if you want an adjustment.

But again, this is me. I don't always want to be touched or used as an example for a pose. I come to class to be anonymous. But if a teacher uses me as an example, it's my job to tell them that I am uncomfortable with it from the beginning.

Just as any student should let any teacher know what injuries or issues they are dealing with, what they are or aren't comfortable with.

Listen, I practice at studios where teachers bring in 50-100 people a class. Some of the teachers don't even tell us what there name is or what modifications to do if they are beginner students or advanced.
I listen to these teachers and learn but I watch the students move un-safely from one pose to another. It's not my class and it's not my job. But, there is nothing I can do and the teacher can only do so much with the space she/he has to provide a space that is as safe and nurturing as it can be.

If you are a beginner, for the love of everything, take a beginners class.
I still take beginners classes because there is always more to learn.
If it doesn't work out in your schedule, find another place that has the classes that work with your schedule.
Yoga studios are poppin' up like Starbucks.

The same goes for advanced students. If you feel like you are being slowed by the pace a teacher is setting, move on to another pace.

But, please, do not critique another teacher. Especially to a fellow teacher.

That teacher, if they are good, is reading the room and teaching their planned sequence appropriately to the room whether you like it or not.

And seriously, unless you are asked for your opinion or advice, don't be so free to give it away like cash to someone you don't know. It's a waste of your time.

Read the room. Learn to read the person you want to engage and don't suck their energy and space just to fill it with your own. They will give you the space and energy if it is equal.

Engaging is wonderful.

I love chatting with people I've never met about things I would never chat about otherwise.

But unless you are just aching to hear yourself talk, think twice.

On that note, let me tell you what to do. Be good to yourselves, drink lots of water and call your mother.

Shanti, Om,
Laurie

Silver fish...

I'm moving, selling my furniture et al.

With that AND the fires all up in my space (I'm sorry and hope the fires become contained and everyone finds peace and comfort), I find silver fish...everywhere...in my books, crawlin' around my dvds. I didn't invite them and they didn't even bring me flowers or wine, help me with the rent or if I found them dead, leave me a thank you note for housing their sorry silver slits.

With the amount of rent I will be paying in my new place, 216 steps from the place I'm living right now, not that I've counted, I hope that I get upgraded to goldfish.

They are much cuter and better contained.

I'm just sayin'.

Be good to yourself, drink lots of water, blink the ash out of your eyes and call your mother,
~Laurie

Sankalpa or bust...

Say what?

Sankalpa...

Sankalpa is the resolve, determination and good intention that resonates within the core of your being. It is your essence. It is your goals, whether for the moment, hour, day, month, year or lifetime. It is the will power that keeps you fanning the light within so you create the brightest light in your outside world. It keeps you flexible as you grow and change. It is your drive and passion. It's the little candle flame within that sparks the fire into your outside world of action.

It's the thing that gets you out of bed in the morning without an alarm clock or coffee.

For the love of all, people, it's a goal that you set for yourself - to make yourself live your best life and be your best self for you and others.

And if you build it, they will come.

For me, I'm movin' to Montana people!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not the state, the street. In Santa Monica.

It's the little diva dress or pair of Jimmy Choo's, I know.

It's the indulgence and necessity for my sanity all at the same time and I've committed to it.

The queen of non committal, fly by the seat of your indecision has signed the contract and dotted the t's.

I'm staying here in Santa Monica. Like Dorothy, returning to Kansas. I will be a better teacher, performer, writer, comedienne, marathon runner and all around human being for residing here. I'll tell you what!

And what's more, I've had a fantabulous weekend filled with wise, beautiful and good people inspiring me to be. Just be. For cryin' out loud. And let be.
Just go with the gut and let the universe surround that gut with a big fat hug and maybe some cookies and milk.
I'm just doing it like Nike.
I'm going for it like and I'm not looking back.
I'm confident (and terrified), to take the leap and take care of myself first so that I can be the best person I can be to the people in my life.

I've never felt more sure (and terrified) to say YES to life no matter what.

My life has changed 180 degrees from what it was exactly 365 days ago.

It's crazy, but I'm just gonna go with it.

I like to think I embrace change better than most but when faced with it all at once, it can be the scariest thing.

If you are reading this thinking, what the heck, you are just moving, get over it. You haven't read my blog before. See the previous blogs, please, cause really, there's a lot goin' on.

But if you're just here for the lesson then that would be, set your intention, everyday, right before your feet hit the floor and you go about your day.
Take a few moments to set aside the thoughts and motivation you want to draw from during your day. When your day might get harried with distractions and such, remember the first thoughts from the beginning of your day and you will set yourself straight. No crazy guy in traffic or co-worker will distract you from your intention from the day and if they do, just remember what it was you set for your day. Let your intention be an easy few words that you can repeat throughout your day so that distractions won't get you down. Come back to it like you would come back home. Let it be clear. Let it be easy.
Like for me, Montana or bust.
Montana or bust.
And I really just wanted to live around that area but that was my intention and it's happening.
And you can set an intention for someone else too. If someone in your life is going through something difficult and you are living at ease, set your daily intention for them. They might need your strength. If you have some extra, provide it for them, whether they are near or close.

If you set your sankalpa and are true to it, nothing will get in the way of it if you are true to it.

It's the same as your dreams. If you believe it and want it, it will happen. It might not be tomorrow or a year or five years or ten years.

I have dreams I've been working on since I was a teenager. It's what keeps me in my youthful glow because I haven't given up on 'em. Not gonna do it. Got my sankalpa, so there.

It works. It's not a diet. I promise.

Just do it.

Much love.

Be good to yourself, drink lots of water and call your mother.

~Laurie

If you're fond of sand dunes and salty air...

quant little villages here and there...
I heard this repetitive beat in a Groove Armada song that was played in a class at Maha Yoga the first couple weeks after I moved to Santa Monica.

This has become my little club mix SM theme. A west side beat that I'm vibin' to cause I'm all up in the SM scene. Livin' the dream by the surf and away from the smog. Well near to the smog but closer to the surf. Especially with all the fires ablaze, it's unavoidable.

So, smurf. A strange combo of surf and smog. More surf then smog but together, feeling closer to the sun, then when I lived in Hollywood amongst the billboards, narrow streets and heavy air and tension, it's the merger of both, smurf.

Do you remember the Smurfs?

Am I dating myself?

Well, I guess I am since I'm single and not dating anyone.

I liken myself to Smurfette a lot. She always wore the same dress and when Papa Smurf looked in her closet, she had a dozen of the same smurf dress organized neatly. I'm like that.
When I like something, I'll buy multiple versions of that thing, like Smurfette.

But I digress.

From what, I don't actually know.

All I know is that the fires have made me downright silly and strange.
I pray that the people close to the fires find reprieve. I am far enough away from the fires not to worry but close enough to keep thinking I'm at a camp site and that's not cute.

I'm LOLing right now, because I have no point to writing this other than the fact that I amuse myself completely and that I mire in the fact that I am so close to this beautiful beach.

I live here. The most beautiful place in the world.

Stop arguing with me.

I've been to Bali, Hawaii, most of Europe, some Mediterranean and Caribbean islands, some of Asia, Africa, Canada and America and I'm convinced the exact cross street of where I reside is the supreme.

May be 'cause I might need to leave this exact crossroad that it is leaving me longing, but for reals, Santa Monica is paradise on earth.

Don't let me wake up.

I want to see the sweet sun pass it's torch to the moon every day before I close my day.

It is one of my most favorite things to do besides yoga, running and blogging, drinking coffee, chatting with my mom, ok there are a lot of things but the sunset...tops, besides my mom.

Please, good Universe, let me stay in this little cross street nook of goodness, yumminess and big smiles.

I will be a better person for it.

As I say to you at the end of each blog, I must say to moi-self...

Being good to myself, drinking lots of water, blinking the ash from my eyes and calling my mother,
~Laurie

Fat tastes good...

I'm just sayin'. I'm new to beef and can only do ground at this point. I need the iron apparently.
I'm getting used to beef. I go for the lean 96/4. I.e. 96% lean and 4% fat.
I was in the market the other day and was lookin' for the beef. Thought I picked up 96/4 but alas, I picked up 90/10.
I wasn't going to return meat. Could you imagine that exchange. Another blog/musical in the making.
So I made the beef.
I ate it.
It was good.
Real good.
That extra fat, I noticed it. And it was good.
I'm just sayin'.

Things suck!!!

Yea, I said it. I tried to keep quiet about it for a while but as a teacher, and one that tries to be accessible to all types of people, I think it is important to share however much is humanly possible all the good...and not so good. What kind of teacher would I be if I only shared all of the great insight I received from being in a good place in my life?

I remember the old days, looking up to my yoga teachers and thinking, they never have any problems. They are always at peace and this is how I want to be. How, do they do it?!?!

After being in the yoga community as long as I have, I see this isn't always the case. They are all human. We have good days and bad days and sometimes good 'times' i.e. months, seasons, years and bad 'times' i.e. you got the idea.

I so happen to be in the ebb side of the ebb and flow.

If it wasn't for my ability to go out there and teach y'all (and I'm not even southern), it would be even worse. But even in the hell that I am living, I have the gift to teach so many people. And for that, I am always grateful and baskin' in all y’alls light.

I also have this blog. God love it, for my ability to flesh out and share in words, the lessons I teach and need to learn for myself.

If only downward dog was my only freekin' problem.

Besides splitting with my boyfriend of eight years, which feels more like a limb being torn off and the sadness of how it ended, the return of an old love that is married and unattainable, the strange miss-diagnosis''''' of certain health issues causing a strain on my day to day with a looming and invasive surgery as my 'only' possible reprieve, every single bit of electronic equipment breaking and needing to be replaced or upgraded or discussed with at length with various customer service representatives not of this land for hours at end, identity theft on two of my only banking cards, a working relationship with someone that ended badly no matter how hard I tried to rectify our issues peacefully, I also have to move.

Moving sucks, period.

I despise the whole Craig's list, Westside Rental, credit check, application fee, viewing of hell holes to find that 'perfect' match and/or home that I want to make for myself.

I used to like moving. Trying out different areas of town etc. Now, I've become elitist (not really), snotty about where I live. Maybe it’s an age thing ‘cause I now know where 'not' to live, for me, that is.

I've lived in some major cities, NY, Boston, Shanghai, LA and all its nooks. I've visited some swanky cities that I can see myself living in Paris, London, Madrid, Florence, Toronto, Ubud and San Francisco. Not to mention all the cities I visited that I could never in a million years see myself living in. We shall keep them nameless.

Santa Monica might very well be my very super favorite place to be. I would never leave my apartment unless it was to visit the love of my life, the sun on the esplanade beneath the California incline. It doesn’t matter how many times I go there, I am always amazed and moved by its beauty.

To be more specific as to my super favorite place to be, north of Wilshire, between Ocean and 26thth, south of San Vicente. Even more specifically, Montana Avenue. Despite the slow driving on that street, I love, applaud, smile and cheer, every time I round the corner from this or that street, toward Montana and back home. I breathe deeper and feel the sense of being loved even though I know no one on that street. It's just home (besides NY where my fam is).

If there were a longitudinal/latitudinal definitive place for Laurie Searle to live permanently, it would be right dang here on Montana Avenue in Santa Monica. Even hearing someone is from the state of Montana gives me chills of delight.

And so, I'm putting in to the universe that I MUST reside here, in this economy and not be strained financially. I WILL call this place home, no matter how far I have to drive for anything.

I will be able to live here in SM, even if it's not Montana, and still be able to shop at Whole Foods (really just for their Turkey Jerky - which is expensive but the best and yummiest snack for me on the go).

Over the next four weeks, my health 'things' need to be rectified. As of the New Year, that means a new deductible and an even less possibility that I will have the surgery I need to make me better. It will already cost a fortune but less of a fortune before '09.
I will need to find and put a deposit down and move into a divine place.
I must sell most of my furniture because I'm lookin' for singles and studios, people. Any one needs an armoire from Bali? I have pictures.
I will need to keep traveling to Long Beach to see my doc for further testing before the looming, surgery thing.
I will have to return back to NY for the holidays and attempt to buy presents for my family or make presents for them out of macaroni and construction paper.
I need to update and manage my ewishingwell.org site that was disabled when I lost my computer.
I have to pay off my new computer so I don’t accrue any debt. I’m proud not to have much debt and wanna keep it that way and live in Santa Monica.
If everything can be done before the stroke of midnight on Jan. 1, 2009, I can return to LA and breathe a sigh of relief and settle in.
Maybe I will also receive a pair of glass manolos and a prince on a white horse.
We can dream.
Sounds easy enough, in theory. Or maybe it sounds deafening to some. Really, it's just a super size laundry list of backbreaking things to take care of.

SO, I need to haul ass as the clock is ticking.
There are about ten other things I need to get done before then, but really, if you are reading this far it will just become a rant.
This isn't that kind of blog.
It isn't.
Seriously.

I was talking in my class today as well as with a teacher friend of mine that there is nothing like a crisis to put your life and priorities into perspective.
The only other time, I really felt this deeply was when my dad fell ill two years ago. Clients, work, friends, priorities, the list of things to do, quickly found its place and I attended to the most important thing, my dad and my family.
Everything worked out fine. And, my dad is well, beating Cancer twice since then.
I look at my situation right now and by no means think it’s the worst ever and that others aren't dealing with waaaaay more than I. For me though, this is pretty f-ing bad and I'm just sayin'.

But here's the deal/lesson:

How can we deal, peacefully with the chaos around us, the same way we would, when things are not so bad?

My doctor suggested an anti-anxiety or anti-depressant to relieve me during this time. Perhaps sleeping pills as I am often up nights with worry or tension. What a cocktail! And not the good, yummy kind.
You have to try a bunch of meds for the right fit and then there are the side effects of taking a medication and the withdrawal or potential addiction to some.

I stopped it there.

I've tried acupuncture, massage, yoga, meditation, therapy and herbs to keep me balanced and aligned. They work when things are good and not so good. They are not working for me now.

Once my doctor had offered the above to 'get through', that's when I realized....

Things suck!!!!!!!

And that's when the shift happened.

As a teacher…of yoga…I cannot take something that alters my behavior and reality so that I can’t teach from a place of purity, cleanliness and being in the present. I feel these ‘meds’ would do that.
It that is my option, then I have to change my reality the old fashioned way.

I can choose to be down in the dumps about it, sad about it, worried about it, self-destruct or self-medicate. Lord knows that WOULD have been what I did, in the past.
Or I can choose and easy route. Some drugs sound nice, for a time, to take the edge off.
But that's not me.

I'm not saying anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds are bad. Don't think I'm goin' all Tom Cruise on you.
They work for many people in short and long term care in addition to meditation and yoga and whatever else gives you the peace of mind to be well.

So what is the other alternative?
F-ing reality!
Deal with it.
When I realized that this was the road I was going to go down, I looked at the chaos around me and it changed.
Yes there is a famous quote about that very thing. I've heard it and said it but here it is.
When you change the way you look at things, the things around you change.
BAM!!!!!
Perspective.
Things suck. Right now.
So I brace myself for the right now and look forward to a peaceful more balanced time in the future. It’s so close that I know it’s ok to have these feelings of sadness, worry, despair, and fear. It’s ok, to be down, slightly negative, lonely and anti-social.
All feelings need to be felt. If they aren’t FELT, if they are pushed aside and not dealt with head on, they will return to you in another lesson to be learned.
Deal with it now so you can deal better for when things turn downward again. And they will, right after a good spell.
If we didn’t have these bad spells of challenge and fright, we wouldn’t know how to enjoy what is really good when it happens.
Things aren’t happening TO you, they are always happening for you.
At least this is my new realization.
I’m inspired by the fact that things suck, right now.
It is fueling me and preparing me so that when my students or loved ones are going through a rough patch, I can counsel them the way I do for myself.
To be honest, it was easier to put a Band-Aid on the rough times by escaping. But escaping keeps coming back to haunt you in other lessons and challenges. Deal with things head on, no matter how difficult and seemingly unmanageable. It will get better.

And I’m actually saying this from a bottom like place of darkness where I am covered in mud. And still, all I can see is light up top. It’s so close.

I have a delicious teacher picking up my classes at the studio and the clinic that I teach at. I'm so lucky to have someone I trust, that is good and that will be committed to being on my team and teaching the students I hold so dear to me during this rough time.
I applied for some apartments and I'm not going to waste my time looking something ‘better’.
I'm going to trust that even in this economy, I will be able to afford the time and money to continue seeing my doctor and do whatever he thinks is necessary to get well (besides drugs).
I'm enlisting my friends and family to help me, as an ear and as a hug, as I need to work through this BS.

I'm finally asking for help.
Isolating and doing it alone was my response to hard times. For the most part, no one ever knew when I was having a rough patch because I wouldn’t share.
Something that was so uncomfortable for me has become necessary.
We are ALL in this together, good and bad.
As a teacher, I think it’s imperative to reiterate how important it is to reach out for support, make the choices and do the things that make you feel good during the difficult times. Take care of yourself first, and foremost, so that you will have the energy and clarity to take care of the things outside of yourself. Whatever it takes.

So, I will be retreating a bit. Taking the time to take care of the business I need to get through this time. Part of that is blogging.
If you got to the end of this one, thank you.
Hey, if you logged on to this blog, thank you.
I’m here for you too.
Be good to yourself, drink lots of water and call your mother.
Namaste,
Laurie

All the news that's fit to...

...well, as long as you can fit into a blue recycling bin in Los Angeles, it's fit to print.
I've been saving historical newspapers since I was a kid. Although I don't like to hold onto too many material things (I like to consider myself a minimalist), I like to hold onto photographs, the written word (ya know, mushy love notes passed in Chem class from the cute boy you hoped would ask you to the prom) and newspapers.
There's a little trunk in my parents basement so it's not too ostentatious.
The Challenger exploding, Princess Di passing, The World Trade Center Part one and two, the hundredth running of the Boston Marathon and well, a few more historic things we've seen in our lifetime.
President-Elect Obama might be one of the biggest.
I went to every 7-11, Vons, Pavilions, Ralph's, random newsstand and strange bodega I could find in LA. And, although, my dad said that he saved me the NY Times, I just needed to see it for myself.
I asked every one of my clients and no one had the paper or had them but then given them away to another collector.
I didn't know there were so many of us. I can't believe I didn't see even one.
My last client of the day had ALL of the newspapers - from the NY Post to the Times, LA and NY. Recycling had already been to their home the day before, so they tipped their blue bin and I dove in, in a blue state of euphoria and picked out every bit of Obama that I could.
It was a good day.

Embrace Change...

It's all we talked about today, of course.

We are now embarking on a new and exciting journey for ourselves as individuals, families, a country and the world.

Everyone felt the earth quake last night with screams of joy and celebration.

For those of you that voted the other way, I can only imagine that your mood changed to one of support, encouragement and surrender to a leader that will pave a new way.

I was never so excited to vote. I rushed with a crushing enthusiasm to the polls and stood in line with my book o' props, hi-lit, circled and checked, all my paperwork in line.
Pollers chatted about the 'free' things vendors were giving away on election day and I paused.

Free.

The line was about 20 minutes to wait.
Sweet.
There was a sense of community in that line.
I don't know what these people believed in but they believed in it enough to show up and for that there was communion.
Well, we were also in a Catholic church so I guess there is always communion going on somewhere in there.
You gotta be Catholic or formerly Catholic to get that Ten Commandment humor.

I was still antsy so,
I did calf raises and squats, arm stretches and side stretches with the folks on line.
The others thought this was a good idea, to warm up for polling, so they joined in.
Democrats and Republicans and Santa Monica unite.
Oy, if there was only a camera there, it would have been my next video, but alas, it wasn't about that today.
I did want to be limber, open and present for my voting experience.
My hands shook as I got up to my booth.
Just take your time, I thought. Even though there is a line behind me, read everything carefully and be sure.
I was receiving texts at the same time, as I am sure you were.
Vote yes on this, no on that.
I was so confused as to what I was yessing and noing, so I reviewed.
Yes, this is my final answer.

I wasn't the only one who couldn't figure out how to get the dang ballot out of the box.
This isn't my first time voting, what the fu?
Everyone seemed to be having the same trouble.
We figured it out and I got my sticker and left the building with a feeling that I made a difference.

Why is it that, as adults, we only get stickers when we vote. I would love to get a sticker each time I pump gas, get home safely at night, accomplish something good.
Alas, stickers are reserved for kids and adults when they vote.
And I wore that dang sticker proudly all day. I got nothing for free but checked to make sure it was there every so often.

Free.

Even though, in Cali, we all sort of swing one way, I felt I was part of that big ol swing and it felt gooood.

Proud to be blue, I rushed to Starbucks. Today is the first day of their red holiday mugs. I deserve it for taking part in history!!

Hours later, it was like New Year's Eve across the country. I haven't heard that many people cheering outside my window since Kelly Clarkson won American Idol.
No really, I remember that and it crossed my mind only briefly and went back to my home boy, Obama.

The speeches, we loved 'em, right?
Except for when the republicans booed Obama's mention.
Do you think, If McCain won, democrats would boo?
I think not.
Moving on...

When it was announced, I felt like I could finally breathe.
I had been breathing all along, all day and all night and all my life.
But tonight, I felt something different.

Free.

I'm embarrassed to admit what all my passwords are for all of my secret accounts on line.
I'm not giving it away, but I've wanted, like many of us, THIS.
This - possibility.
This - hope.
This - difference.
This - freedom.
This - change.

No matter what party you belong to, we all want this for ourselves and everyone around us.

And it's reminded to me every time I 'log on'.
Go ahead, try and use it.
I've still made it super secret but if you really want to log on to my Shopbop account, you can.

And here we are.

The next feeling I felt was this sort of uneasiness, an uncomfortability that was familiar and yet, not.
And then I knew.
Change.
Change.
It is exciting, new, romantic, different.
It also comes with a bit of fear - of the unknown, of the ability to follow through, of the possibility of it not working.
Change is the only way we can grow and transcend.
It's the way we move up, move on and move forward.
Obama and his Presidency-Elect not only reflects our shift as a people but as individuals.
It instills in all of us, the power and potential we have to make a difference.
To stand up, move into action, work hard and follow our passion.

It's our promise.

It's Obama's obligation and honor to carry that through with our support and faith.

After the announcement, I wasn't alone in noticing the wind had picked up in the city of Los Angeles.
Change had already begun.

Wind has an unmistakable way of making one feel tossed abut and secure at the same time.

No matter who you voted for, if you voted, you took part in history.

President-Elect Obama is our leader but we are all leaders because we made it happen in the support of his vision for our futures.

It is an exciting time, indeed.

But with that excitement comes confusion, uncertainty, strange feelings of doubt and fear.

Embrace the negative feelings that come with all of the positive feelings. Feelings of freedom, hope, strength and possibility.

It is the collective consciousness of the positive that will keep us secure when the world's challenges toss us about.

It is community that we so long for, reach out for and need in order to grow past the negative feelings attached with this change.

Enjoy the excitement, acknowledge the uncertainty and embrace the change.

To quote The Carpenters, 'We've Only Just Begun, to live..."

Be good to yourselves and proud.

Shanti, Om,
Laurie

I'm all about blue on election day, BUT...

on November 4th, after I hit the polling station, I'm hittin' Starbucks, 'cause all I'll see is red!
It's that time of year folks. The most important day of the year, Starbucks and their holiday red mugs. Woo Hoo! So while we are finding our peaceful place as the state of our country is being decided, snuggle up with a cup of hot Joe or Chocolate in your red Starbucks mug, take a deep breath, put on your fleece jammies and HOPE.
Good luck everyone, get out there and vote!
-Laur

Mommy-tasking video - hot off the bench presses!!